Today is Not an Awesome Day, Part 2

Imagine this is a kitchen sink

You might have read on my Facebook that our littlest puppy, Kujo, escaped out of our backyard the other day & proceeded to gorge himself on bacon grease that the genius Meat Man so kindly dumped over the fence. I realized this when I discovered a greasy beard on him & then I washed him in the kitchen sink, which is always boatloads of fun. While I was drying him off (fortunately on the tile floor), he puked up like a cup of straight grease. My other 2 dogs seemed to think they'd hit the jackpot & my son was all flappity-flapping his hands & jumping up & down, screeching, "EWWWWWWWW, MAMA! GROSSSSSSS!!!! THAT'S NASTY!!!!" So the obvious thing to do was throw the puppy outside while I yelled at the other 2 dogs, busted out the grease-cutter & paper towels, & cleaned up. Right? Um, no, not quite.

Except that it was pretty cold outside & Kujo was wet. So, off I went to fish him out from under the porch & put him in the kennel while I used Google to scare myself to death figure out what to do next. There were some helpful links on there, but there was also a lot of links that said eating that much bacon grease could lead to pancreatitis, muscle tremors, & death. I'm freaking out & feeding him bread soaked in hydrogen peroxide like Google told me to, wondering whether he's shaking from all the vomiting, from the cold & wet thing, or because he's dying. I call up my mom's vet & ask the vet tech what I should do, other than what I've already done. She says the vet's out of the office on Wednesdays, but she'll text him & call me back ASAP. 

Why, yes. I am having one of those
days, too.

Meanwhile, Kujo is in the kennel yelping his head off & the Little Tyrant is "barking" along with him (for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of hearing it, his "bark" is actually a supersonic ear-piercing shriek). Four pieces of bread, six trips outside to vomit more grease & bread, & one giant headache later, the Meat Man finally comes home from his fishing trip. And by this point, I'm like super-frazzled & ready to rip Kujo's the Little Tyrant's someone's vocal chords out. The vet tech finally calls me back to tell me to do what I already did. Hey, what's that pain in my lower abdomen? Oh great, I started my effing period, on top of everything else today. And I have no painkillers, except for some cold & cough, which makes me whacktastic. 

The Meat Man gives me a big, long hug & rubs my back & strokes my hair, while telling me it's going to be okay. He sits me down on the couch, gets me some cold medicine & some water, talks the Little Tyrant into helping him cook dinner, & makes me remember how awesome he really is. The end.

Today is Not An Awesome Day

Today is one of those days when the Little Tyrant wakes up in a foul mood & stays that way  AAALLLLLLL day. Not an awesome way to spend the day. He's been bossy, whiny, screechy, screamy, & downright just rude. 

We've been working on manners lately & apparently he has fallen under the impression that if he says "Please," he is entitled to whatever it is that he's begging for. So when I still tell him no, he cannot have a fifth peanut butter sandwich (after 2 bowls of oatmeal & some yogurt), he grabs me & tries to drag me over to the pantry, begging, "Come on, Mama, I get you buttah (peanut) buttah sandwich." I do not like being dragged around by a bossy 2-year-old & pulled my arm away & said firmly, "No. No more food until snack time. It is NOT snack time. Now get out of the pantry, please." (Our house shifted this summer & our pantry door hasn't shut ever since, which means he is constantly in there because his favorite thing in the whole world is food.)

At which point, my son turned into a fire-breathing little monster, somewhat akin to this:

I don't know how many other fellow LOTR geeks there are reading this, but seriously, I felt like itty-bitty-little Gandalf saying, "You shall not pass!" & then proceeding to get my eyebrows & eyelashes burned off by this hulking evil Balrog screaming in my face. The Little Tyrant's rage is awe-inspiring to behold in the sense that it never ceases to amaze me just how infuriated he will get over something so simple as the word, "No."

Yeah, it's totally not going to be an awesome, easy day with him. But that's okay. Because you know what? Breakfast & lunch are made, dishes are done, laundry is in progress, dinner is defrosting, I've got some music on to drown out the screeching, & the coffeemaker is even already fixed up for tomorrow morning. So I'm ahead of myself, chores-wise. And the Meat Man will be home soon from his fishing trip that I signed off on (even though I knew it'd mean a few more hours alone with this little demon child over here) & he is always happy & relaxed when he gets back from fishing, so I will feel totally unguilty passing off the little fireball to him.

Random "Late Night" Thoughts

I sit here naughtily smoking a cigarette in the house because it's so freezing-your-ass-off cold outside, the last one awake. The Little Tyrant has been asleep for a good hour now, passed smooth out on the living room floor & transported off to bed. The Meat Man is cuddled up on the couch, snoring, with 2 of our dogs. They, also, are snoring. Late night at my house is 9:00 p.m. Lord, we are such parents. In our defense, our day starts at 6:30 every morning. There's a good reason that we're so worn out at this time of the evening that we fall asleep on the couch. It's called a 2-year-old & 3 rowdy dogs. And today was actually a good day.

My last few mornings (with the exception of today) have started off with no coffee, which always makes for a bad day. Me without coffee is not a pretty sight, especially not in the morning. The first morning without my crack coffee, I realized while frowning at the pot for being empty, that it wasn't. After a few seconds of internal argument about how gross it would taste & realizing I didn't really care, I heated up the day-old coffee in the microwave & pretended it tasted good. At least it had some caffeine. And then I made the mistake of pouring the rest of it out & forgetting to run to the grocery store with the last of our change to buy more for the next day. The next morning, I glared at the coffee maker while I mentally kicked myself into next week.

It'd been a rather sleepless night, more so than usual even, because the Little Tyrant had slept most of the night in his room, but then woke the dogs up coming into our room. I just haven't been sleeping well for quite some time now; I blame it on many different things: hormones that got whacked when I was preggo (because I used to sleep like the dead), the Meat Man and/or the Little Tyrant's tornado-like sheet-twisting thrash-about sleeping tendencies with one miserable me sandwiched between them for the last year, my recently acquired Sonar Mommy Hearing (I can hear the slightest sound out of the ordinary while sleeping & am instantly wide-awake) which aggravates me to no end because as I said I have always been able to sleep through anything, the fact that until we gave up & put it on the floor a week ago my bed was a Pit of Death (the pit being a huge dip in the middle where I sleep, resulting in one or both of the boys rolling onto me 50,000 times a night, because gravity's just cool like that).

What I was really thinking

You'd think I'd be used to it already, but only with the crutch of a gigantic cup of joe to help me out. Of course, all 3 of the dogs & my son could definitely sense my weakness & proceeded to raise such a huge racket between the 4 of them that it made my head & ears ring to the point of closing my eyes & covering my ears while hollering at them to knock it off, PLEASE NOW, it's entirely too early for this sort of commotion & Mommy hasn't had any coffee yet. Closing my eyes was definitely not a good idea because the sleepy part of my brain kept trying to overrule the responsible mommy side that insists I stay awake while anyone else is awake because you just never can tell what kind of mischief these 5 are going to get into if I close my eyes for an instant.

My WTF happened to my house face

Many occasions that the Meat Man has kindly allowed me to sleep in while he gets up & takes care of things has brought me out of the bedroom with the decibel level, only to marvel at a huge mess & make some smartass comments about WTF his definition of taking care of things is b/c WTF HAPPENED?! This all happens when I open my mouth without the coffee filter on it & makes me seem terribly ungrateful, which really, I'm not. (No, really, honey...the first thing that should have come out of my mouth was "Thank you for letting me sleep in & cleaning the kitchen & starting the laundry & cooking breakfast while wrangling this mad house of animals." Really, I love you & you're the best.) I'm glad the Meat Man cleaned the kitchen, it's just...why is there such a mess in every other part of the house? Oh, right...because there were wild animals loose in the rest of the house while you were focused on cleaning. *sigh* Did it not occur to you, darling, that the puppy might have had to pee, just a few times (6 times, actually, according to the puddles) since you've been awake today? And you're telling me that you didn't see a single one of these puddles occur? And where exactly have you been? Just shut your mouth, T. Just shut your mouth & drink your effing coffee to give your brain a kickstart before you go take your foot out.

Anyway, back the coffee situation. My sweet husband had to work a few hours on what is normally his day off & got to drink coffee at work, but couldn't get away to bring me any. So you know what he did? He sent his boss over with a can for me. Isn't the the sweetest, most knight-in-shining-armor thing ever? I know, he's an effin rockstar. And I love him to pieces. Fortunately, this morning started with some coffee, hooray!

The last few days have been very trying with the Little Tyrant. Meltdown-a-licious, all around. Which is never fun for anyone. We had 2 really awful, frustrating days for everyone, followed by a great day today. But I spent most of today waiting for him to explode with the surreal feeling that at any moment, the sky was going to fall on me & I would regret my assessment of today being awesome. It wasn't though. It snowed a bit this morning, but was gone within 30 minutes. Wet snow & mostly just cold, miserable weather. I figured the Little Tyrant would pitch a huge fit about being confined indoors, but he handled it with grace today. And Toy Story 2 & 3 for the millionth time each, with running commentary. But hey, I'll take listening to Toy Story & my son's narration & never-ending fascination with these movies any day over his epic meltdown tantrums. Pixar & Disney, my ears & sanity thank you very much today. Thanks for making an inside day bearable for my little dude.

And thank you, to the Little Tyrant & whatever Powers-That-Be, for suddenly making him completely forsake his late afternoon napping habit (you know, the one in which he wakes up at 7:40 p.m. either awesomely or horribly & leaves the fate of our evenings resting on which mood he happens to choose upon waking) & deciding instead to fall asleep consistently around 6:00 to 7:30 every evening & sleep all through the night. That's pretty awesome. Even if it is only until 6:30 every morning. And even if it's not entirely in his own room. Beggars can't be choosers & I am so glad that the Grown-Ups now have some alone time for several hours every evening before the Sandman crawls out of the couch cushions & makes the Meat Man pass out while watching TV. Plus, what mom wouldn't be thankful for getting to shower alone every night this week? I know, I know. The excitement of my life is just unbearable, right? Hahaha.

In other random thoughts, Pandora Radio totally rocks my socks off tonight. I love how you always know just what to play for me to jam out to at any given moment, Pandora.

On that note, I have been yawning uncontrollably for the last 20 minutes & am now starting to wonder why I'm wasting precious sleeping time on this blog. Hopefully I will sleep better tonight with the comforter nailed over our northern-facing window that should keep the wicked northern wind from howling so viciously through the cracks in the window & keeping me awake with its frosty fingers. Good night!

The Madness of Holidays

Once again, another year has flown past us & here we are at the holiday season again. Didn't we just do this? I swear, it can't have been a year already. But alas, it has been. And so, the madness begins.

I have a love/hate relationship with the holiday season. I love certain things about them & hate other things.

Things I Love About The Holidays

• Halloween. I think this has always been my favorite holiday. What's not to love? Costumes, candy, scaring the crap out of little kids with our scary house, haunted houses, Fright Fest at Six Flags. Did I mention candy? Plus, this year was the first year the Little Tyrant picked out what he wanted to be (Batman) & went up to the door to knock by himself & say "trick or treat!" *sniff* My little guy is growing up so fast.
• Thanksgiving. Well, let me clarify. I love Thanksgiving food. There is nothing better than overeating lots & lots of delicious food. Especially when you get to share with your family. (As long as no one eats the last of something I wanted...then I might have to carve somebody open like a turkey, because I'm just evil like that. Especially over pecan pie.)
• Christmas. Mostly, I love decorating for Christmas. And baking all kinds of sweet goodies for me other people to eat. I love the look on my son's little face when he tears open the paper & sees his presents. I love egg nog & our family's tradition of opening gifts on Christmas Eve because my gramma is from Czechoslovakia & that's what her family has done for generations.
• Spending time with our big family. Fate made sure that I married into a family that I fit right into & I love hanging out with them. This year is the first year we've had a large combined family gathering with my in-laws & my parents & cousins. It was awesome. (Mostly because I didn't have to cook very much for our 30 person gathering because I took Pajamas & Coffee's advice on how to add some fun to a dysfunctional Thanksgiving & made everyone bring something. And used paper plates & plastic utensils, which meant NO DISHES!! MWAHAHAHA. WIN!)
• I love the fall colors. It is the beginning of December & there are still beautiful leaves on the trees to get into a car wreck watching gaze upon while safely on my porch. Autumn was lovely this year--very mild, windows-open-all-day kind of weather, which was a heavenly break from the 90 days of 110+ degree drought of this summer. Living in The Middle of F***ing No Where does have its benefits. Such as having to take long drives through the gorgeous wide-open countryside to get anywhere. I wish I was a painter because there are such beautiful scenes to be had around here & while I wish there was a way to capture them on camera, I decided that it probably isn't safe for me to do while driving.

Things I Hate About the Holidays

• Black Friday. I detest the idea of spending all night out shopping with a mad pack of hyenas shoppers, fighting over who gets the best deal or the last item on the shelf. I saw on the news that there were several incidences of pepper spraying & macing over such things. Not to mention the poor fellow who was shot in the head & died after some geniuses idiots decided that instead of waiting it out in the lines legally, why not just camp out in the parking lot to rob people of their purchases? Because Black Friday loot is totally worth the Murder 1 charge & the time you're going to spend in prison. The only way you'd ever catch me Black Friday shopping is from the comfort of my recliner, in my jammies, from my laptop, which is safely in my own house.
• Holiday Traffic. I hate traffic in general, but holiday traffic is the worst because it seems like every idiot on the planet is out operating a vehicle while swerving off the road because they've never heard of the hands-free setting on their cell phone. We made the hour & a half long drive down to Texas to go to my in-laws' Thanksgiving lunch & were almost killed not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES during said drive. Ridiculous. Makes me glad I have a Honda with such awesome safety features.
• Speaking of holiday travel, WTF is the deal with jacking up the gas prices? I cannot stand the gas prices anymore. It makes me feel old because I can remember when I was in high school, $10 would fill up my ginormous gas tank. Maybe it's because I'm cheap, but it makes me cringe with agony when I have to fork over almost $50 to fill up my tank now. However, again, thanks to my Honda for having such awesome gas mileage. I <3 you, car.
• I hate the complete spaz that my husband turns into when we're trying to make it somewhere on time during the holidays. I just assumed that everyone shared my belief that you're excused for being a few minutes late during the holidays (especially when you make as long a drive as we do) because what really matters is spending time with your family. But no, he turns into a trainwreck when we're 30 seconds late. And we bicker & b***h at each other the.whole.time. (In fact, by the time we finally get home around 2 am, I am always almost certain that if I had to spend one.more.second in the car with him, I would rip his voicebox out b/c I am SO tired of listening to him complain)
• I hate cramming our many, many family festivities into one (or 2, if we're lucky) days. It sucks. We live just far enough away that the drive is a huge pain in @$$ & like I mentioned before, my hubby gets spaztastic over being late. Which we always are, of course. We both tend to get cranky when we're away from our home for too long. And I dare you to try NOT to be cranky with the Little Tyrant in the backseat, repeating everything eleventy gajillion times (our names become one in the car: "MOMMYDADDY,LOOKLOOKLOOKLOOKLOOK!DIDYOUSEEDIDYOUSEEDIDYOUSEE?!"), randomly bursting your eardrums screeching, & then proceeding to have a meltdown about how he's stuck buckled in his seat. Oh yeah, and I forgot that our radio is also totally random in its choice of when to stop working & then when to start working again. So sometimes, this trip has no soundtrack either. Which is a big fat FAIL for me & the Meat Man...it's almost physically impossible to drive that far with a toddler with no music.

The madness of the holidays around our house is always compounded by the fact that, starting in September & finally tapering off in June, we have birthdays out the wazoo! I mark birthdays on our calendar in purple Sharpie & every month during this time, we have no less than 3 (sometimes as many as 8) birthdays in a given month. But being a part of such a huge, close-knit, loving, crazy family is amazing. And I really shouldn't complain. So I'll stop. Happy holidays & here's to hoping we all make it through this crazy time with our sanity intact.

30 Days of Thankfulness

I decided to take the 30 Days of Thankfulness challenge that I found on Facebook because I have been working for a few years on retraining my brain to think positively, instead of being such a "negative Nancy," as my grandmother would say. I've found it to be helpful to me to focus on all the blessings that I do have, instead of what I don't have. I try to find little things to be thankful for every day, but I thought it would be fun to come up with one thing every day of November. So here it is: My list of thankfulness.

Day #1: I am thankful for my wonderful husband, who works so hard to take care of our family every day (& is also the greatest partner & father EVER) Thank you, my Meat Man, for always loving & supporting me, & for being such a great man. ♥

Day #2: I am thankful that God has given me such reserves of hidden strength that have helped me through the many trials & painful times in my life, & has blessed me with the knowledge that while my life may not have turned out exactly how I planned it, it is all a part of a bigger plan. Thank you, God, for giving me dark times that I may appreciate the light of happiness. Thank you for letting me experience loss & anger towards you that I may appreciate the many gifts that you've blessed my life with & your love for me. Thank you for never abandoning me, even when I thought you did. Thank you for carrying me through always & forgiving me for my mistakes.

Day #3: I am thankful for all my wonderful family, both the ones I was born with & the ones I married into. They're always there for us no matter what & I love ya'll, every one of you.

Day #4: I am thankful for my good health. This is one of those things that you tend to take forgranted until it's gone, but I am very thankful for it.

Day #5: I am thankful that my sis-in-law, Apryl, fought & beat breast cancer. We love you, sis. 

Day #6: I am thankful to be blessed with such an intelligent, (mostly) sweet, & all around awesome little boy. Mommy loves you more than you could ever know. (Even if you are a little tyrant sometimes!) Thank you for lighting up our lives :)

Day #7: I am thankful for all the fabulous, crazy women I am blessed to call my friends. Without you, ladies, life would be unbearable! Thank ya'll for always being there for me. I love you, whether we're right around the corner from each other or half a world apart, & I can't wait until the next time we get to raise hell together.

Day #8: I am so very thankful for both of my mamas. Mom, I couldn't have been born to a better mother. And Tonya, I couldn't have married into a better mother-in-love if I tried. Thank you both for always being my ears to bend, my shoulders to cry on, my helping hands when I fall, my encouraging words to brighten my day, and my jokesters to laugh with. I love you both so very much & value our friendship more than you will ever know. 

Day #9: I am thankful for my crazy dogs, who can always brighten my day with a cuddle or a kiss. They're both so great with my kiddo, for which I am very grateful. Plus, they're adding years to my life (or so the statistics say). Plus, what could possibly make you feel more loved than whenever you leave to the store for 15 mins & you come back to 3 dogs acting like you've been gone for an eternity? Awesome sauce.

Day #10: I am thankful for the basic necessities that get us through the day, which a great number of people in this world do not have. Such as: a roof over my head, hot running water, air conditioning & heat, a refrigerator & freezer, a pantry full of food, clothes & shoes to wear, a washer & dryer, a car, a TV & computer to entertain me (which is actually a luxury, not such a necessity). Let us never forget that our circumstances, no matter how bad they are, could always be worse.

Day #11: I am thankful for all the servicemen/women & veterans who have served our country's armed forces & some of whom made the ultimate sacrifice by dying to protect our freedom. To all of you out there who have put on a uniform & taken up arms, thank you & your families so very much for all that you do & the sacrifices you make to defend our freedom here at home. I have been fortunate enough to know some of these true heroes: my papa Earl, who served in the Army, Coast Guard, & Marines; my great-uncle Eddie, who served in the Marines; my uncle Billy, who also served in the Marines; my mother-in-law Tonya, who served in the Army; my cousin Shane, who served in the Air Force; my cousin-in-law Timothy, who serves in the Marines; my friend Christine, who serves in the Army; my friend Valerie, who serves in the Air Force; my friend Leo, who serves with the TX National Guard; my old friend Kenny, who serves in the Army; and yes, even my ex, Matt, who served in the Army. Happy Veterans' Day & let's never forget that freedom is never free.

Day #12: I am thankful for the peace & quiet here in this small town we live in. There is never any traffic to hear, or smog to smell, or noisy neighbors to hate. You can hear the wind & the birds & the animals. You can smell the rain & the grass. You can see so many stars at night, it's just unreal. I may have grown up a city girl, but I am most definitely a country girl at heart. ♥

Day #13: I am thankful for my sisters, (blood, in-laws, & soul) who I can always call up just because & either vent to or just talk with for hours about anything. Love you, ladies. Thanks for always being there for me.

Day #14: I am thankful for music. I love music, every different genre. I love that a song can take you back or cheer you up or make you cry. My life wouldn't be so full without the soundtrack of my life.

Day #15: I am thankful that time makes all things easier to bear.

Day #16: I am thankful that this autumn has been so incredibly lovely & mild. Yesterday, I was wearing shorts & a tank top. Practically unheard of, even here in Southern OK. I ♥ autumn.

Day #17: I am thankful that our maintenance guy FINALLY come & put the heaters in the house. It's a bit chilly out & froze last night, but thank goodness it's finally warm & toasty in here.

Day #18: I am thankful for my sense of humor. It works better for me to laugh at myself, life, & everybody else than to cry about it all the time. ;-)

Day #19: I am thankful that my son occasionally sleeps in his own room all night. That's progress & I'll take what I can get!

Day #20: I am thankful for having 30 of our wonderful family together up here for an early Thanksgiving celebration. It was fun, food, football, & fishing. I'm glad that we decided to do a celebration here this year.

Day #21: I am thankful for getting another week-long visit with my fabulous sister. Sister time = awesome time!

Day #22: I am thankful for having yummy leftover Thanksgiving food to eat. I ♥ leftover turkey & ham & everything else (especially pecan pie!)

Day #23: I am thankful to be an American. God bless you, USA. Even if our politicians are idiots, I think the thing that makes this country great (besides its freedoms) is its common citizens, We the People!

Day #24: I am thankful for getting to spend a(nother) wonderful Thanksgiving with friends & family. Happy Turkey Day to all. Try not to go into a turkey & pie coma ;-)

Day #25: I am thankful for my aunt-in-law Tina's miraculous recovery. It is still a long road to being 100% for her, from what I hear, but we are all so thankful that she is off all the machines & walking & eating on her own. God is great.

Day #26: I am thankful that our friends here bought us a new Christmas tree after one of our puppies ate the other one. They adopted the Little Tyrant as their great-nephew & said he just can't go without a tree to decorate, LOL. Stupid dog's lucky it wasn't plugged in, but I'm sure all that glass & wire doesn't feel great in his stomach :-/

Day #27: I am thankful that I got to have my awesome little cousin up for a sleepover. It's great getting to spend time with her & getting to know her, woman to woman. Aww, I remember the day her & her sister were born & now they're just about all grown up. (*tear*I feel old!)

Day #28: I am thankful that we got the lights up yesterday! It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas outside & it's nice to have the decorations up to bring in the holiday spirit. I am listening to some Christmas music & drinking my hot coffee, imagining that it's hot cocoa. (Yes, I'm a dork, LOL) Thank you, my Meat Man, for always decorating so awesomely. It's perfect, babe.

Day #29: I am thankful that we got to go visit my mom for an early birthday get together & that I got to have a lovely phone chat with my bestest bestie, Rachel, whose birthday is today. I ♥ you both very, very much!

Day #30: I am thankful for a wonderful opportunity that presented itself to us. It's still too early to go announcing what exactly on FB, but I will say that if it all pans out, it is something we have been dreaming of & has been a part of our long-term plans for a while now. (No, not another kid!) But this potential opportunity has reminded me that it never hurts to dream. :-)

Life Definitely Has a Sense of Humor

The last 3 days have been interesting, to say the least. After my last post about wanting to lock my son in his room just to get some alone time, it seems that someone up there is listening to my bitching & gave me several alone moments. Thank you, God or Mother Nature or whoever it is listening to my whining. Yes, I'd like some cheese with that. (And could you maybe send me some real wine to go with it? Mmmkay, thanks.)

This is Life laughing her ass off at me

My last few days have consisted of this:

2/3 mornings The Little Tyrant has taken such massive morning poos that it overflows out the back & the leg of the diaper. Which equals me & a giggling 2-year-old, 3 tons of baby wipes, much gagging & almost puking, & finally a bath. Plus all the extra laundry & that lingering poo smell everywhere. Joy.

3/3 mornings The Little Tyrant has spent screeching at me, demanding more food. NOW!!! I seriously think he must have hollow legs b/c I just don't understand how he can eat 3 bowls of oatmeal, 2 peanut butter sandwiches, a yogurt, & some crackers within 2 hours, but still be starving to death as he wants me to believe.

The Little Tyrant also had his first trip to the dentist. (Yes, I do realize he should have been before now, but the stupid pediatric dentist only has a sign-up once every 6 months for us poor folks on Medicaid & they fill up unbelievably fast. Like, by the time you get past the busy signal 15 mins after they open, they answer & tell you the spots are all full, sorry, call back in 6 months) Surprisingly, he was awesome for them while they counted his teeth & cleaned them. He didn't even try to bite them, like he does me when I try to help him brush his teeth.

I hate how he is an almost perfect angel for everyone except us. Seriously, if my mother & my mother-in-law didn't spend hours on the phone with me each day, they would never believe that he can be such a little heathen. But I suppose his well-behaved alterego for everyone else at least makes it so we can drop him off for weekends once every couple months & his grandparents really enjoy having him. So I won't complain too much.

Back to the dentist visit. Let me just explain something before I go on. Me & the Meat Man really do try to help him brush his teeth. But this typically involves a huge tantrum ending with us putting him in a headlock to get it done, plus his gums bleeding b/c he won't stop thrashing his head back & forth. And so, we end up settling for the "Good Enough" toothbrushing probably 9 times out of 10. The Little Tyrant is at that age where he wants to do everything himself & heaven help us if we try to help at all. I'm sure you see where this is leading.

The Little Tyrant has 4 cavities. There is nothing to make you feel like a worse mother than the dentist & assistant telling you that your son is going to have to be referred to another dentist in a bigger city to be admitted to the hospital & put under so they can fill his cavities. *sigh*

We've got a new puppy that we adopted from the shelter & although he's been with us for about a month now, he is still just skitzy as hell. Something must have happened to him b/c every time the Meat Man comes home, Nub starts barking & growling & goes to hide underneath the desk. That's his spot. And I know the Meat Man has never done anything to Nub to make him act like this. Not only does Nub bark & growl at the Meat Man, he also flips out about falling leaves/windsocks/any noise outside. He is, however, fabulous with the Little Tyrant. Which is a big point in his favor. I keep hoping that he'll get better the longer he's with us, but I'm starting to really wonder. And even considering taking him back to the shelter b/c it hasn't worked out makes me feel like the lowest POS ever.

I went to get him b/c Shadow, our 5-year-old pup, had gotten really depressed when the Little Tyrant suddenly realized that she was the only one he could legitimately boss around. He would screech her out of his room & she would lay under the coffee table whining inconsolably. She didn't want any petting or treats or toys. She just wanted to be with her boy. It was pitiful to be quite honest.

She's a completely different dog now that she has a playmate. Right back to her old instigating self. It is Shadow's fault that I have such aggravating mornings before I even get out of bed. She's already taught Nub to do the same. She'll get up & start scratching (aka jingling her collar). Then she'll shake really loudly. Meanwhile, she'll peer over the edge of the bed to see if I've opened my eyes to glare at her yet. If none of these tactics work, she'll jump up & down off the bed a couple times before proceeding to rub herself on the bed or lean against it to scratch. Which shakes the whole bed, considering she is an 80 lb monster of a dog. Of course, all this serves to wake up the Little Tyrant who was sleeping next to me peacefully. That way I have no choice but to get up & feed them & let them out b/c once those gorgeous baby blues of the Little Tyrant's are open, there is no more rest.

We also spent yesterday helping some friends remove their window unit & board up the hole for the winter. And some other friends move out of their apartment & into our house for a few days before they take the bus back to Michigan. They've got a 3-month-old pit bull pup, Kujo, that we're trying to find a home for b/c you can't take pets on the bus. He is like a little Shadow made over, I swear. It's hysterical. I wish we could keep him, but there's no way to feed & get vet care for 3 large dogs on our income.

I spent one peaceful 30 mins at the house by myself with my iPod in, jamming out to music while cooking spaghetti & washing the dishes. And when the Little Tyrant randomly fell asleep on the couch at 3 pm (which never happens anymore), I got a blessed shower by myself. (I hate showering with the Little Tyrant b/c he doesn't want me to get in the water at all. It's his water & how dare I try to rinse my shampoo. Grr!) And when the Little Tyrant fell asleep fairly early on the second afternoon, I got to spend an fabulously orgasmic hour with the Meat Man.

This is essentially our bed

To all of you out there who've forgotten what it's like to have a 2-year-old glued to your side 24/7, that sleeps in your bed & you never have a moment to yourself, let me just tell you that it KILLS your spontaneous sex life. Hell, it kills your sex life, period. So to have an hour to spend leisurely enjoying each other is damn near as good as it gets.

So, whoever is listening to me up there, thank you for giving me 3 lovely moments kid-free to enjoy these last few days. I am really enjoying this lovely autumn weather, also. I'm halfway through my 30 days of thankfulness & am very excited about having 30 of our family members over this Sunday for an early Thanksgiving. It's always nice to remember what we are thankful for, instead of bitching about what we don't have. Because it could always be worse, people.

Why Haven't I Been Keeping Us With This?

It could have something to do with my procrastination. I am a lifelong procrastinator. It is a pet peeve of mine with myself. I wish that I wasn't. I try not to be. Really, I do. But I. just. am.

I have many excuses of why I don't keep up with my writing...

I have a 2-year-old who thinks he runs the world. And if he doesn't get his way, it's the end of the world. (I'm talking a simple "No, son" sends him into a full-on epic meltdown, complete with throwing himself down on the floor & flopping around like a catfish out of water, & sobbing, then screeching, inconsolably, sometimes for hours) When he's not busy being the little tyrant that he is, we're busy playing together. That is the one thing I do allow him to still boss me about, demanding me to come play pretend dinosaurs or read him just one more Dr. Seuss book.

I have 2 large, energetic, goofy dogs that demand the rest of my free attention. I have a husband who deserves my full attention when he gets home b/c I do love him so very much & wish that I had more energy & time to devote entirely to him.

I have a constant pile of laundry that mocks me, daring me to just try to ever catch up completely. There is never a day when there isn't at least one basket of laundry undone in my house.

This is what my house would make Martha
want to do, as she's thinking, "OMG,
where do I even begin?"

And the rest of the house...well, let's just say Martha Stewart would definitely NOT approve of my clutter & dust & unwashed baseboards if she broke in. Fortunately, I highly doubt that will ever happen. I am not & will probably never be one of those people who is constantly cleaning everything in sight & requires things to be just so. In fact, I am lost without my piles of clutter. When my husband goes on a cleaning spree & moves my piles, I have no idea where anything is anymore b/c I knew exactly where everything was before it was "neat." Luckily for me, my husband loves me & my non-cleaning-obsessed self. (Thank you, honey, for tolerating my mess)

I actually feel terribly guilty that I am not an OCD cleaner that has the house spotless & sparkly when the hubby walks in the door. I really do mean to get around to these mindnumbingly boring menial cleaning tasks at some point...but it always seems to be later. I wish I was a domestic goddess effortlessly.

I have been a captive of the Terrible Twos for the last year & a half. My son started early. I used to be impressed when he reached every milestone early...not so much these days. No, I spend half my days praying that the Terrible Twos will not run over into the Terrible Threes & Fours. Not that I'm not impressed with his intelligence or his independent little self. I am. I just wish I could see a light at the end of these tantrums.

It amazes me how quickly the last few years seem to have blurred right past me. I have been procrastinating about blogging for the last 2 years...that makes me sad. Writing used to be my only salvation to my sanity. Lately though, I tell myself, "Oh, I'll blog when everyone's asleep. Got too much to do right now." That would work out splendidly, except that the Meat Man falls asleep on the couch at about 8:30 every night. But the Little Tyrant is still all energized from his late-afternoon nap he has become prone to taking from about 5:45 to 7:45.

And so, my son demands my attention more than my personal time. Does it make me a horrible person that I would LOVE to just lock him in his room for some me time? I like to think it doesn't, that every stay-at-home mother with a tyrannical 2-year-old has these thoughts. I hope I get some credit for not giving into them. I have trouble even letting him out of my sight for a few minutes, for the simple fact that he is very sneaky & adventurous & there really is no telling what kind of fun trouble he's going to get into in just a few moments.

By the time my planned blogging time rolls around, say around 10:00 or 11:00, not only is my son still awake & "Mommymommymommy"ing me to DEATH, I am so plum wore out that I can't even think straight, let alone try to form a coherent sentence that people could read. But, I am going to try to get back in the habit of writing just a little bit every day.

Hopefully, my boring stay-at-home mom life won't bore ya'll to death.

Until next time, One Very Tired Mama

I would say that this is an accurate representation of me,
except that I really can't be bothered to put in curlers
because I'd much rather be sleeping.